Today I'm taking a break from Nanowrimo posting to talk about word confusion and how to avoid disappointment.
Many misunderstandings arise from what a person is heard to say and what they believe they are saying – the confusion between words. One example is in the words, appreciation, gratitude and thanks and their close relative, recognition. A person may have an expectation, or even a hope, of appreciation for a word or action, without any expectation or desire for gratitude or thanks, yet any expression of the expectation of appreciation elicits a begrudged thank you, with no real understanding of what was meant when the speaker mentioned the word, appreciation.
- the act of estimating the qualities of things and giving them their proper value.
- clear perception or recognition.
- the quality or feeling of being grateful or thankful.
- to express gratitude, appreciation, or acknowledgement to.
If appreciation is something given in recognition of the proper value of an action or object, then Gratitude is the state of being grateful, but not necessarily cognisant of the true value of what has been received and thanks is an expression of that gratitude. This is worth thinking about before using any of these words or when listening to someone else use them.
If you are expecting, or hoping for, appreciation for something you have done, there is little value in going on at length about ‘all I’ve done’ because it will fall on unresponsive ears. It will be interpreted as expected gratitude and the response will be a resentful thanks, which brings me to:
- an act of recognizing or the state of being recognized.
- the identification of something as having been previously seen, heard, known, etc.
- the perception of something as existing or true; realization.
- the acknowledgment of something as valid or as entitled to consideration: the recognition of a claim.
- the acknowledgment of achievement, service, merit, etc.
Therefore, recognition of a word or action is required before appreciation can be given and recognition cannot be forced. It is like a sixth sense– you either get it or you don’t and this is because the gifts we give by word or action are rated by the experience and values of the receiver. Some take as their due, as some sort of divine right – their taking a benevolence they bestow on others by allowing them to give – such people have a complete inability to recognise and therefore appreciate, the efforts of others.
The message of this article is to appreciate that which is freely given and reciprocate with the gift of support and understanding, choose your words to suit your intention and the recipients of your benevolence.
~ Merlene Fawdry