Showing posts with label March challenge. Show all posts
Showing posts with label March challenge. Show all posts

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

The Battered Suitcase - 4th draft - a Roundel

The battered suitcase served him well
As he moved on from place to place
Carrying goods for him to sell,
The battered suitcase.

So what had caused Yet suddenly, And yet one day 
And then one day, a fall from grace
From valued friend to bagatelle,
Slipped beyond his hand’s embrace.

When For wear and tear and age befell
And scrapes and scuff marks dulled his face
No longer will he show and tell,
The battered suitcase.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

Rondeau for March

The following Rondeau are the finished products of this months' challenge. Hardly show stopping, the process has none the less taught me a lot about this form of poetry and its complexties. I'm reasonably happy with #1 and #7, in terms of completion, the others I will lay to rest for a month or so to look at later with fresh eyes. Although I hadn't anticipated the degree of difficulty it has been a worthwhile exercise.


#1 Beyond these bluestone walls


Beyond these bluestone walls, they tell
Of men condemned to living hell
And those who walked toward the rope
To end their lives, bereft of hope
Priest's words lost to the tolling bell.

Unto these men, a fate befell;
From social change; a new artel
That meant not one would e'er elope
Beyond these bluestone walls.

For into each and every cell
The voyeurs came, and paid quite well
To peer and pry, to interlope
And place beneath a microscope
Poor wretches all, who once did dwell
Beyond these bluestone walls.

                    *

#2 Into the past

Into the past, I drift once more,
Moving through an enchanted door
To time gone by and familiar faces,
A mystic realm of magic places,
On that wondrous distant shore.

Familiar streets I re-explore,
Crooked lanes, the sun-kissed moor
Stepping lightly in open spaces
Following all the well loved traces
Into the past.

Yet waking now, it's as before
I floated down that corridor,
No friendly face, no warm embraces
Just the cold grey ash of fireplaces,
And I crave sleep take me evermore
Into the past.

                    *

#3 Dry eyed she lay

Dry eyed she lay, in her lonely bed
Tears of heartache left unshed
Shadows of fear holding sleep at bay
Since welfare came and took her away;
To a place of safety, they said.

Away from that other life she'd led
To live as a prisoner here, instead
Inside these walls, day after day
Dry eyed she lay.

Around these thoughts others sped
Of forgotten places, things unsaid
A place of love so far away
Where part of her would always stay
With this sweet dream inside her head,
Dry eyed she lay.

                    *

#4 As the steam rose

As the steam rose, over fingers bare
She thought how life could be unfair
Bonded to the ironing station,
This token of her expiation
Under sister's solemn glare.

How difficult to not despair
Knowing she could no longer bear
The searing pain of conflagration
As the steam rose.

She brushed aside a stand of hair
Put down her iron, as to prepare
And fight against her deprivation
With one almighty confrontation
As the steam rose.

                    *

#5 As the keyboard taps

As the keyboard taps, at rapid pace
Lines of thoughts join in the race
As words and images intertwine
And metaphors leap, line to line,
Each jockeying to find their place.

Nimble fingers lead the chase
To finely craft a work of grace
Rhythm and metric beat combine
As the keyboard taps

Letters form a tight embrace
As stanzas seek their rightful place
Every symbol and every sign
Stamp out their mark and, by design
Echoes of words leave their trace
As the keyboard taps.

                    *

#6 On open plains

On open plains, the suburbs grew
Replacing grass and kangaroo
With mapped out roads and city lights
All measured by theodolites
To introduce a new milieu.

Gone wallabies, bilbys too
Out with the old, in with the new
So few survivors left to view
A different vista on star filled nights
On open plains.

Is it possible they never knew
Of nature's loss that would ensue
When progress of unequal might
Did force this ecological flight
On open plains.

                    *

#7 As Leaves float down

As leaves float down, on gentled breeze
In Autumn dance beneath the trees
They dust the earth in shades of red,
Russet, gold, a wondrous spread;
A crimson sun on wooded lees.

These are the sprites of nature's ease
Who twist and twirl in merry tease
Then land upon an earthen bed,
As leaves float down.

The artist's brush paints as he sees
The bloodied ground a startling frieze
While poet's write in mournful dread
A metaphor of loves' tears shed
Yet seasons pass as each does please,
As leaves float down.



(c) Merlene Fawdry

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

As leaves fall down - 3rd draft

As leaves float down - 3rd draft



As leaves float down, on gentled breeze
In Autumn dance beneath the trees
They o dust the earth in shades of red,
Russet, gold, a wondrous spread;
A crimson sun on wooded lees.

These are the sprites of nature's ease
Who twist and twirl in merry tease
Then land to upon and earthen a comfy bed,
As leaves float down.

The artist's brush paints as he sees
The bloodied ground a startling frieze
While poet's write in mournful dread
A metaphor of loves' tears shed
Yet seasons pass as each does please,
As leaves float down.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

As leaves fall down - 2nd draft

As leaves float down - 2nd draft


As leaves float down, whipped by the on gentled breeze
In Autumn dance beneath the trees
To dust the earth in shades of red,
Russet, gold, a wondrous spread;
A crimson sun on wooded leesfabled seas.

These are the sprites of nature's ease
Who twist and twirl in merry tease
Then land to upon a comfy bed,
As leaves float down.

The artist's brush paints as he sees
The bloodied ground a startling frieze
While poet's write in mournful dread
A metaphor of loves' tears shed
Yet seasons pass as each does please,
As leaves float down.

Monday, March 28, 2011

As leaves float down - 1st draft

As leaves float down, whipped by the breeze
In Autumn, dance beneath the trees
To dust the earth in shades of red,
Russet, gold, a wondrous spread;
A crimson sun on fabled seas.

These are the sprites of nature's ease
Who twist and twirl in merry tease
Then land to upon comfy bed,
As leaves float down.

The artist's brush paints as he sees
The bloodied ground a startling frieze
While poet's write in mournful dread
A metaphor of loves' tears shed
Yet seasons pass as each does please,
As leaves float down.

Sunday, March 27, 2011

On open plains

On open plains, the suburbs grew
Replacing grass and kangaroo
With mapped out roads and city lights
All measured by theodolites
To introduce a new milieu.

Gone wallabies, bilbys too
Out with the old, in with the new
So few survivors left to view
A different vista on star filled nights
On open plains.

Is it possible they never knew
Of nature's loss that would ensue
When progress of unequal might
Did force this ecological flight
On open plains.


This month's challenge has taught me one thing - I'm no Rondeau poet. I can't seem to separate myself from the rhyming pattern, making the poem/s sound contrived, amateurish and altogether not very good.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

On open plains - 4th draft

On open plains - 4thdraft



On open plains, the suburbs grew
Replacing grass and kangaroo
With mapped out streets roads and traffic bright street lights
From workers with All measured by theodolites
To introduce a new milieu.

Gone wallabies, bilbys too
Out with the old, in with the new
So few survivors left to view
A different vista on star filled nights
On open plains.

Is it possible they never knew
Of nature's loss that would ensue
When progress of unequal might
Did force this ecological flight
On open plains.

Friday, March 25, 2011

On open plains 3rd draft

On open plains - 3rd draft


On open plains, the suburbs grew
Replacing grass and kangaroo
With mapped out streets and traffic lights
From workers with theodolites
To introduce a new milieu.

Gone the bilby, the reptiles too
Gone wallabies and bilbys too
Out with the old, in with the new
So few survivors left to view
A different vista on star filled nights
On open plains.

Is it possible they never knew
Of nature's loss that would ensue
When progress of unequal might
Did force this ecological flight
On open plains.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

On open plains - 2nd draft

On open plains - 2nd draft



On open plains, vast the suburbs grew
Replacing grass and kangaroo
With mapped out streets and traffic lights
From workers with theodolites
To introduce a new the next milieu.

Gone the bilby, the reptiles too
Out with the old, in with the new
A different vista on star filled nights
On open plains.

Is it possible they never knew
Of nature's loss that would ensue
When progress of unequal might
To Did force this ecological flight
On open plains.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

On open plains - 1st draft

On open plains - 1st draft

On open plains, vast suburbs grew
Replacing grass and kangaroo
With mapped out streets and traffic lights
From workers with theodolites
To introduce a new milieu.

Gone the bilby, the reptiles too
Out with the old, in with the new
A different vista on star filled nights
On open plains.

Is it possible they never knew
Of  nature's losses that would ensue
When progress unequal might
To force this ecological flight
On open plains.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

As the keyboard taps - 4th draft

As the keyboard taps - 4th draft



As the keyboard taps, at rapid pace
Lines of thoughts join in the race
As words and images intertwine
And metaphors leap, line to line,
Each jockeying to find their place.

Nimble fingers lead the chase
To finely craft a work of grace
Rhythm and metric beat combine
As the keyboard taps

Letters form a tight embrace
As stanzas seek their rightful place
Every symbol and every sign
Stamp out their mark and, by design
Echoes of words leave their trace
As the keyboard taps.

Monday, March 21, 2011

As the keyboard taps - 3rd draft

As the keyboard taps - 3rd draft

As the keyboard taps at rapid pace

Lines of thoughts propel  join in the race
As words and images intertwine
And metaphors leap, line to line
Each jockeying to find their place.

Nimble fingers maintain the chase
To finely craft a work of grace
Rhythm and metric beat combine
As the keyboard taps

Letters form a tight embrace
As stanzas seek their rightful place
Every symbol and every sign
Stamp out their mark and, by design
Echoes of words leave their trace
As the keyboard taps.

I'm not happy with the 2nd line 2nd stanza ,but can't think of an alternative yet.

Sunday, March 20, 2011

As the keyboard taps 2nd draft

As the keyboard taps - 2nd draft



As the keyboard taps at rapid rate pace
Lines of thoughts propel the race
As words and images intertwine
And metaphors leap line to line
Each jockeying to find their place.

Nimble fingers maintain the chase
To finely craft a work of grace
Rhythm and metric beat combine
As the keyboard taps

Letters form a tight embrace
As And stanzas seek their rightful place
Every symbol and every sign
Stamp out their mark and by design
Echoes of words leave their trace
As the keyboard taps.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

As the keyboard taps

I seem to have a bit of a theme happening here of doom, gloom, and general misery, so I'll try for a change of mood with this next one.

As the keyboard taps - 1st draft

As the keyboard taps at rapid rate
Lines of thoughts propel the race
As words and images intertwine
And metaphors leap line to line
Each jockeying to find their place.

Nimble fingers maintain the chase
To finely craft a work of grace
Rhythm and metric beat combine
As the keyboard taps

Letters form a tight embrace
As stanzas seek their rightful place
Every symbol and every sign
Stamp out their mark and by design
Echoes of words leave their trace
As the keyboard taps.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

As steam rose - 3rd draft

As steam rose - 3rd draft

As the steam rose, over fingers bare
She thought how life could be unfair
Bonded to the ironing station,
The symbol of her incarceration
This token of her expiation
Under sister's solemn glare.

How difficult to not dispair
Knowing she could no longer bear
The searing pain of conflagration
As the steam rose.

She brushed aside a stand of hair
Put down her iron, as to prepare
And fight against her deprivation
With one almighty confrontation
As the steam rose.


When I started this challenge I knew that was exactly what it would be - a challenge. What I didn't realize was the enormity of it and how the focus on rhyme can interfere with creative flow. I can look at this poem, for instance, and see its flaws immediately, what I can't see are the words that might remedy this.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

As the steam rose - 2nd draft

As the steam rose - 2nd draft



As the steam rose over fingers bare
The whole time she'd been standing there
She thought how life could be unfair
Bonded to the ironing station
The symbol of her incarceration
Under sister's solemn glare.

How difficult to not dispair
Forbidden speech with which to share
knowing she could no longer bear
The searing pain of conflagration
As the steam rose.

She brushed aside a stand of hair
Put down her iron, as to prepare
And fight against her deprivation
With one almighty confrontation
As the steam rose.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

As the steam rose - 1st draft

As the steam rose - 1st draft

As the steam rose over fingers bare
The whole time she'd been standing there
Bonded to the ironing station
The symbol of her incarceration
Under sister's solemn glare.

How difficult to not dispair
Forbidden speech with which to share
The searing pain of conflagration
As the steam rose.

She brushed aside a stand of hair
Put down her iron, as to prepare
And fight against her deprivation
With one almighty confrontation
As the steam rose.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Dry eyed she lay

Dry eyed she lay - last edit

Dry eyed she lay, in her lonely bed
Tears of heartache left unshed
Shadows of fear holding sleep at bay
Since welfare came and took her away;
To a place of safety, they said.

Away from that other life she'd led
To live as a prisoner here, instead
Inside these walls, day after day
Dry eyed she lay.

Around these thoughts others sped
Of forgotten places, things unsaid
A place of love so far away
Where part of her would always stay
With this sweet dream inside her head,
Dry eyed she lay.

 
I still think the 4th and 5th line of the first stanza still need some attention - one day.

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Dry eyed she lay 4th draft

Dry eyed she lay - 4th draft




Dry eyed she lay, in her lonely bed
Tears of heartache left unshed
Shadows of fear keep holding sleep at bay
Since welfare came and took her away;
To a place of safety, they said.

Away from that other life she'd led
To live as a prisoner here, instead
Inside these walls, day after day
Dry eyed she lay.

Between through Around these thoughts others sped
Of a different place, free of dread
Of forgotten places, things unsaid
A place of love where she could play so far away
And where she could forever Where part of her would always stay
With this sweet dream inside her head,
Dry eyed she lay.

These revisions were suggested to me and I think they work better than what I had. Thank you

Thursday, March 10, 2011

Dry eyed she lay - 3rd draft

Dry eyed she lay - 3rd draft


Dry eyed she lay, in her lonely bed
Tears of heartache left unshed
Shadows of fear keeping sleep at bay
Since welfare came and took her away;
To a place of safety, they said.

Away from that other life she'd led
To live as a prisoner here, instead
Inside these walls, day after day
Dry eyed she lay.

Between through these thoughts others sped
Of a different place, free of dread
A place of love where she could play
And where she could forever stay
With this sweet dream inside her head,
Dry eyed she lay.